Sanitation and Dogs
Dear Frankie,
My name is Bernadette. My friends call me Bernie. I’m a chicken and live on Cape Cod with three siblings. We live cooped up in a crate like the one Buster the puppy wrote to you about in an earlier column. I’m writing on behalf of my siblings because I’m the oldest and have the most experience with life. My egg cracked first. I was out and about days before the others. One of the problems we are having is we poop a lot and whenever nature calls. The other problem is we have had several close run-ins with mean neighborhood dogs. Any advice on how we can deal with either situation would very much be appreciated.
Anxious, Bernadette
Dear Bernie,
Am I to understand that you are using the term cooped up to indicate you live in tight quarters with your siblings? If that is correct, I’m assuming you guys are living up to your wings in chicken crap.
What do I advise? Call the Department of Public Health and request an inspection. From what you describe, it sounds like you are living in downright squalor.
You say you have had run-ins with neighborhood dogs. I gather from that statement that you are running free at times, and that’s where you encounter these dogs? Before I address the dog issue, I think being out of the crate might be a solution for your poop problem. When you are out of the crate, one of the first orders of business should be to use the time to poop as often and as much as you can. Pooping outside should significantly help with the crate’s sanitation issue and avoid the need to involve local authorities.
Regarding encountering unsavory canines: What measures have you taken to survey the surrounding area for escape routes? I know you don’t fly per se, but you do have wings, if flapped vigorously, should be sufficient to propel you to a tree branch, a fence, or a high bush. Your best chance for survival is to get to a high place dogs can’t reach.
Humans have an expression: “I’m running around like a chicken with my head cut off.”
It appears you may be taking this expression to its max. Are you aware this expression means chickens are airheads who run around without a thought for the consequences of their behavior? Fortunately, you can overcorrect instinctive behaviors if they involve life-death issues, like dogs looking for a chicken dinner.
So, here’s the plan. When the four of you are out of the crate, one of you has to stand guard, watch for the dogs and call the alarm at the first sighting. That’s when all of you have to immediately stop whatever you are doing and head for the proverbial hills. Of course, a sentry rotation schedule should be set up, so everyone gets equal time watching and exercising. After all, Fair is fair.
Best, Frankie
© 2021, Geneva Woodruff
Comments and letters can be sent to Frankie at dearfrankiecolumn@gmail. com. The Fairhaven Neighborhood News publishes the Dear Frankie column. To receive a free online subscription, readers can email neighbnews@comcast.net, request their name be added to the email list or visit www.neighbnews.com to read the paper online or to download the latest issue.
•••
Support local journalism, donate to the Neighb News with PayPal.
Click here to download the entire 3/25/21 issue: 03-25-21 MissingMan