Social Balancing Act
Dear Frankie,
My best friend at the park is Sassy. Every summer, she goes away for a month with her family to their lake house.
I’m always sad and lonely when she leaves.
Right after she left, I met Rags, and he and I hit it off right away. At first, we were just pals, but then I noticed how much I thought about him after leaving the park and how anxious I was to see him the next day.
One day he asked me if I ever thought about him, and I worked up all my courage and said, “Yes, I think about you all the time.”
He then told me it was the same for him. It was then we decided to become an item. When Sassy came back to the park, she didn’t understand why I wasn’t spending all my time with her. When I told her Rags and I had become sweethearts, she became distraught and stopped talking to me.
When I told Rags what happened, he said, “Forget about her. She’s a jerk.”
I feel they are forcing me to take sides.
Stuck, Angel
Dear Angel,
No one likes changes, especially when the person feels they are losing something of value. You might tell Sassy you understand that she wants to spend time alone, and you plan to do that as well as spend time alone with Rags. You should also have a conversation with Rags and tell him you are a loyal person and will not drop a girlfriend because he is your boyfriend. He also needs to hear that you won’t tolerate him calling your good friend a jerk.
You might ask Sassy and Rags how they suggest the three of you socialize in the future. Don’t count on getting a realistic solution; it seems you’re the only adult in the room.
One solution you might offer is one day a week you will spend most of your time at the park with Sassy and another day with Rags. The other three days, you will spend equal time alone with each of them and then time together.
You should mention that they can’t depend on you as their only companion and encourage them to seek other activities and pals in the park. In sum, you need to set clear boundaries on what you are willing to do as a friend and a sweetheart.
Best, Frankie
© 2021 Geneva Woodruff
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