Third Time’s the Charm
Dear Frankie,
My first adoptive parents were in their seventies and laid back. I typically got up around 9:30, went for a short walk, had breakfast, and spent my mornings lounging on the window seat, watching the comings and goings in the neighborhood.
When my parents went into assisted living, I was adopted by Gloria and Harold, who were in their late twenties and overactive. One of the first things Harold told me was that I would be in tip-top shape in no time. True to his word, Harold wakes me every day at five a.m. for a five-mile run.
Gloria’s idea of breakfast is a green goddess shake and a bowl of protein kibble that tastes like dirt. She says I need protein to keep up my strength for aerobics at the dog park and my afternoon doggy yoga class at her studio.
When I heard Gloria tell Harold she was applying for a few full-time positions, I was ecstatic.
However, my euphoria was short-lived. This morning, she told me she has planned a two-week vacation for the three of us to walk the Appalachian Trail before she returns to work. I don’t think I can hold up.
Roddy
Dear Roddy,
I feel your pain. Gloria and Harold’s focus on healthy eating and exercise reminds me of my neighbors in Boston. Every morning, I would see them warming up for a run, taking off on their bike, or heading to a gym, a golf course, or a tennis court.
Within ten years, and I’m not exaggerating, every one of them had some form of orthopedic procedure for their back, knee, ankle, or hip. Someone was always limping or walking with crutches.
I once asked one of them why they would do that to their body and was told it was “the high” and “being in the flow,” whatever that meant.
My advice is to start limping and fainting when you get up and hope Gloria and Harold will take pity on you and leave you at home. They may decide, however, that you are not the dog for them. If so, you might find yourself with another family. But hopefully, the third time will be the charm.
Best, Frankie
© 2025 Geneva Woodruff
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