Changes
Dear Frankie,
My friend from puppyhood and I have hit a relationship snag. The problem we are having is she will say she told me something when she hasn’t, or she will say I didn’t tell her something when I had. Then we get into a yes-you-did, no-you-didn’t kind of argument.
Recently, it occurred to me that my friend might have memory problems, so she doesn’t remember what she or I said. When I asked her if she was having any issues with memory, she said now that I mentioned it, she thought I had memory problems.
I didn’t believe I was, but just to be sure, I took a two-hour memory test and scored above average in every section.
How can I have a better relationship with my friend? Our friendship means a lot to me and I’m committed to doing whatever I can to get it back on track.
Wilma
Dear Wilma,
Now that you recognize what is happening to your friend, you can start by not telling her she didn’t tell you something. If she accuses you of not sharing some information, say you are sorry you thought you had.
Changing how you respond when issues arise should alleviate the back-and-forth altercations you have been having about who said what.
Your friend isn’t ready to hear or accept that she may have a memory problem. Pursuing the issue with her will only cause more friction in your relationship. Whatever you do, don’t tell her you aced the memory test.
As time passes, her memory problem will arise in various ways and become evident to her, whether or not she cares to acknowledge it publicly.
Everyone comes to terms with age-related issues differently. Friends accept one another’s changes and challenges and adjust their expectations and responses accordingly.
Best, Frankie
© 2025 Geneva Woodruff
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