Caught In The Middle
Dear Frankie,
My dog park friend Wilma is a pug and a loud breather and snorter.
Recently, Stephanie, also Wilma’s friend, invited me to a sleepover party. Later I found out that Stephanie didn’t invite Wilma. When I asked her why, she said Wilma would keep us all awake with her heavy breathing.
Wilma can’t help it. She has a disability. It comes with the territory of being a pug. When Wilma finds out about the sleepover, I know she will be upset and end her friendship with Stephanie. Wilma takes no prisoners when she feels slighted or rejected.
I feel caught in the middle: if I go to the sleepover, Wilma will be mad at me, and Stephanie will be upset if I don’t go. Any suggestions on how I should handle the situation?
Foxy
Dear Foxy,
I know at times, managing relationships between friends can be dicey. Unfortunately, Stephanie hadn’t considered a sleeping arrangement that would have allowed Wilma to be invited. Not everyone feels it is up to them to accommodate those with disabilities.
If you want to take a stand, you could tell Stephanie you understand her reasons for not inviting Wilma, but in good conscience, you can’t accept her invitation to the sleepover. Explain that you know how sensitive Wilma is about her breathing disability and how she will be upset when she learns that she hasn’t been invited. Ask Stephanie to understand why you have decided to hang out with Wilma the night of the sleepover.
You could also tell Wilma that you have accepted Stephanie’s invitation and you feel terrible that Stephanie didn’t invite her. You might also say you would like to have a sleepover and ask if she would like to help you plan the guest list, activities, and snacks.
Best, Frankie
© 2023 Geneva Woodruff
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